Brown and Out

In sporting news, Kellen Winslow, the second year tight end of the Cleveland Browns, sustained extensive, yet oddly vague, internal injuries as a result of a motorcycle crash. The Browns organization is keeping the extent of Winslow’s damage under wraps since they are not required to report on ‘non-football related’ injuries. I suspect they are remaining tight-lipped to avoid the mass hysteria that would erupt onto the shores of lake Erie once Browns’ fans learn that their chosen one has been lost for another season, if not permanently.

Winslow was drafted by the browns in 2004 to provide some offensive firepower to the woefully inept scoring machine that has been the orange and brown since their 1999 resurrection from the ashes of Baltimore relocation. The highly touted tight end dashed Clevelander’s hopes of a winning season when he sustained season-ending knee damage during only the second professional game. If he had hurt his knee on a spectacular touchdown catch, I could live with it. But no, he had to get rolled on by a fat guy during a special teams play. His young NFL career has been, therefore, quite short and uninspiring.

But ah, then comes a Clevelander’s favorite time of year, next year. There’s always another one, and let’s face it, the next one has to be better. With the football fairies still prancing in their minds in the wake of another blockbusting NFL draft, Browns’ fans looked to autumn and the prospect of good things to come. And then Kellen Winslow wheelied his way out of the season. Things couldn’t get worse, right?

The NFL has a standard clause in all contracts stating that the players must not engage in any dangerous activities off the football field. A pro player breaking his neck in a skiing accident, for example, would prevent him from having the opportunity to have it broken during a football game. So Kellen Winslow breached his contract by riding a motorcycle. You would think the Brown’s management and owners would be pretty upset with their young hope. Maybe that’s why they are going to let him keep the majority of his multi-million dollar salary? Say what?! It true, after losing his signing bonus and a few other cuts, Winslow will keep the lion’s share of his $44 million annual salary. According to the Brown’s top brass, this is a “goodwill gesture” towards Winslow.

Goodwill gesture? Talk about an understatement. Even if he is physically unable to play another game in the NFL, Winslow will be set for life. I wish I could make $40 million for crashing a motorcycle. My dad once almost died in a motorcycle accident and all he got was a hospital bill and a limp. Maybe I should contact Randy Lerner, the Browns’ owner and credit card giant MBNA’s Corporation Chairman. I wonder if I could convince him to give me a “goodwill gesture” and erase my mountain of credit card debt. After all, I have done absolutely nothing for him, just like Winslow has done nothing for the Cleveland Browns. It all makes perfect sense to me but, alas, the real world rarely listens. Perhaps we are witnessing the new wave of professional sports. Instead of paying athletes obscene amounts of money for playing a game, teams will start handing them cash for doing nothing. Think about that the next time they raise the ticket price of your local pro team’s games.